The End of the Affair: an exploration of love, loss, hate and faith

Recently my reading group chose the theme of “books that have influenced you”. Sounds easy, right? Maybe, but for some reason, I wrestled with this like you wouldn’t believe. I chose one, then another, then changed my mind. It was Grade 12 final exams all over again! As the meeting came down to the wire, I eventually chose The End of the Affair by Graham Greene. And then, I couldn’t even make the meeting anyway. Life, right?
 
The End of the Affair is a book I come back to over and over again. It’s a poignant novel published in 1951 that explores themes of love, jealousy, and faith against the backdrop of London during and after World War II. The story is narrated by Maurice Bendrix, a writer and self-proclaimed atheist, who reflects on his passionate affair with Sarah Miles, who is married to the faithful and rather naïve Henry.
 
During a particularly harrowing bombing incident, Sarah makes a vow to a God she doesn’t believe in to save the life of her lover. When Maurice is not killed, Sarah doesn’t give a reason for ending things, simply vanishing from Maurice’s life.
 
The novel delves into the complexities of their relationship, marked by intense emotions and moral dilemmas. Maurice's obsession with Sarah leads him to question the nature of love and the impact of jealousy. After their affair abruptly ends, he becomes consumed with the desire to understand why Sarah chose to end it, leading him to confront his own feelings and insecurities. He overthinks, analyses, obsesses, hates and suffers from extreme jealousy. With great honesty, Maurice owns up to his shortcomings in the relationship and the motives underlying his behaviour. Always realizing the affair would eventually come to an end, he behaved badly towards Sarah, sub-consciously struggling between wanting to bring forward the inevitable end, whilst at the same time fearing it more than anything. 
 
Then the story changes to Sarah’s point of view. This happens via a journal, which Maurice gets hold of by hiring a detective. We hear Sarah’s voice and learn the real reason why she left her lover so suddenly. We become voyeurs to her tortured letters and petitions to a God in whom she at first didn’t believe in. Sarah moves from the same disinterest in religious faith that nearly everyone around her shares, to an intrinsic desire for, but disbelief, and ultimately to anger, exhaustion, and faith in God. 
 
A significant aspect of the narrative is Sarah's struggle with her faith and the influence of religion on her choices. Greene, who had a strong Roman Catholic background, weaves religious themes throughout the story, examining how faith can complicate personal relationships and individual desires.
 
Human love can never be completely altruistic — there’s always an element of the self-involved. Yet even though Maurice is consumed by his obsessive, competitive and controlling nature, there are times when the self gives way to a desire to will the well-being of the other, in a manner that approaches altruism. Two years after the affair ends, he pursues Sarah through the winter rain to the point where she seeks refuge in a church. He follows her in, reflecting on the turn of events:
“I was cold and wet and very happy. I could even look with charity towards the altar and the figure dangling there. She loves us both, I thought, but if there is to be a conflict between an image and a man, I know who will win. I could put my hand on her thigh or my mouth on her breast; he was imprisoned behind the altar and couldn’t move to plead his cause.”
 
The scene is among the saddest in the book — Sarah is increasingly sick, worn out physically and mentally, pursued by her ex-lover who had become more and more dogged. It was only his sudden realization of her fragility and vulnerability in that dark church that tears him away momentarily from his selfish and even maniacal pursuit. Maurice reflects, “Turning as I left the church and seeing her huddled there at the edge of the candle-light, like a beggar come in for warmth, I could imagine a God blessing her, or a God loving her.”
 
This may have been a fleeting moment of grace, but certainly no wholesale conversion. Yet his religious indifference does transform into anger and to furious prayers: “You ruin our happiness like a harvester ruins a mouse’s nest. I hate You, God, I hate You as though You existed.”
 
The End of the Affair is notable for its exploration of the intersection between love and spirituality, as well as the emotional turmoil that arises from the human desire for love. Greene brutally illustrates how love and hate are two sides of the same coin, which can flip with a moment’s notice, both towards our lover and our God. This novel is a profound reflection on the nature of love and loss, and the search for meaning in a chaotic world. It is beautiful and heartbreaking and I love it. If you have ever loved someone deeply, and lost them, you will understand.
 
Are there books that have influenced you, or given you a new perspective? I’d love to hear.
And in the meantime, happy reading!
Joni

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